Serira was holding my shivering body. My body was shaking all over to the point that it was pitiful. Serira’s worry and shock was contagious and made me scared all over again.
I was too shocked to realize the reality of what happened around me, but now I felt something.
My cheek could feel Serira’s soft skin and it was hot. The trembling that remained in my body and the trembling I could feel from Serira’s body became one, driving me into an unspeakable feeling.
“What should I do? Her body is ice cold.”
I honestly didn’t know why Serira was shivering so much when it all happened to me.
If I said the memories of the white knife that were engraved into my brain were scarier then the sight of all that blood would be a lie. If I said I didn’t find it all horrifying, that would also be a lie.
If I had been a real baby that didn’t understand what was going on, it would have been better, but my previous death overlapped with this current incident and had shaken me to my very core, leaving me in a very bad state.
It had been terrifying.
I realized how bad it was as I stared at my pale fingertips. It was white and ice cold. A child’s body temperature was normally higher than an adult, so I often sweat a lot. This was the first time my body had become this cold. Serira who was holding me also realized this fact.
A loving voice called out to me. When I heard that voice, only then did I come to the realization I was still alive.
Only then I felt relief.
As if I had finally let go of a burden I was struggling to carry on my own, I tried not to cry. However, at that moment, my tear ducts decided to let it go. The tears blurring my sight was hot. My throat hurt too. The muscles that were aching by themselves without my knowledge were crying out of pain to me.
It was possible for mental anguish to show its effects upon the body…
Somehow, Serira’s face became blurry. When it became blurry to the point that I could no longer make out her green eyes, I burst out crying.
It was so scary, really scary!
I had wished to be saved with the heart of a drowning man grabbing onto to a plank.
I had wished to be saved at that moment, and in the past, I also had wished in the same way.
I wanted someone to save me. I didn’t want to die, I called out earnestly to be saved.
However, not a single person tried to come over and help even as they all stood there listening to my cries for help and my pleas to be spared.
The cries of a baby were sorrowful, the sounds of my cries were heartbreaking even to me. I cried with that sorrow in mind
Serira hugged me tightly and shared the warmth of her body as she tried to appease me. She patted my back as she whispered to me not to cry. Then she wiped my tears away and gave me small kisses all over my cheeks.
The kisses were calming me down, and I gave a sigh of relief.
This was proof I was still alive. That was proof I had survived. This very air I was breathing was all proof I was still alive.
I had thought I would turn into a cold carcass. The death I had wished for was not that kind of death. It felt so wrong to die that way because I had died like that already.
When I opened my eyes, I was in this body.
If I said I hadn’t felt absurd that would be a lie, and to top it all off, I was born of all things as the daughter of a tyrant! If I looked back on it, it was just six months full of dissatisfaction ever since then.
“She is crying to death.”
A pair of red eyes looked down on me. He came in after I could somewhat see in front of me since I cried all my tears away.
My daddy, my father, Caitel Agregiant.
The volume of the sound of my crying lessened. I let out tear-filled coughs since my throat was sore from crying so much, but Serira wiped my tears gently with a cloth each time to make sure no marks remained. I could feel her consideration as she tried not to wipe too hard.
Thank you, mother. As usual, my mom was the best! If mom wasn’t here who could I stick myself to?
Only after I sobbed out my heart could I finally stop crying.
“How much can a baby remember ?’
For some reason, Caitel’s hand movements were soft.
That’s right, did he feel sorry for me too? Thank you for your pity.
I didn’t dislike the cold hand that touched my forehead.
I did feel a bit awkward. I mean, I know what this hand did earlier in front of my eyes. He ended life without an ounce of mercy with that hand.
Without a moment of hesitation.
Was it because it came down to that man’s life or my life? I didn’t feel like Caitel did anything wrong.
I didn’t care if that makes me a bad person.
I was just so grateful to him for coming at the right time as if he was answering my silent cries for help. Even if he was a crazy bastard, he really was still my father.
Alright, I acknowledged him as my dad! Since he saved my life I would coolly accept him as such. I looked up at him as his hand fell from my hair to my cheek. He wiped the tears from my eyes away.
Even I could see a clear teardrop at the edge of his finger.
My damp eyelashes felt uncomfortable. I didn’t know why I felt so wronged.
Why did I feel so dissatisfied? I couldn’t even remember now. I remembered only the fact I felt that way, and…
Ah, I had no more energy. Did I cry too much?
At that moment, Caitel took the finger with my teardrop and placed it near his mouth. I could see his red tongue lick the end of his finger.
Afterward, he gave me a small smile.
Did he honestly think it would be anything other than that?
He always had to add unnecessary words and get cursed for his trouble.
Honestly… I would let it go this one time since he saved my life.
“It is different for each individual baby, but I heard babies usually forget their infancy stage memories as they grow up. However, the influence from these memories may remain in their subconsciousness…”
Caitel was quiet after hearing Serira’s answer.
He said nothing and just looked into my eyes with a peculiar expression.
I also stared back into his eyes and quietly held my breath.
I think I figured it out. I think I knew why there’s always hostility and enmity in his eyes.
It was the culmination of the kind of life he had lived until now.
It had been only a short moment, but I remembered what kind of eyes he had when he pulled out his sword and lowered it without an ounce of hesitation.
How should I describe it? The look in his eyes was incomprehensible.
At the very least, his eyes looked nothing like the current look in his eyes.
Influence? What about it?
I had waited with bated breath to hear the end of that sentence, but that was the end of it.
It went nowhere.
Ugh, that bastard.
If he would be like that, then he shouldn’t start saying any sentences that make me start anticipating anything. My heart raced for no reason! I got all excited for nothing and wasted unnecessary energy.
I pouted and stuck my lips out.
As I tried to lift my finger, exactly at that moment, the Royal Guards entered the room.
Wow, it’s a knight!
It’s my first time looking at the Royal Guards. Obviously, it was also my first time seeing the Captain of the Royal Guard.
It must be that knight walking in the front of the center of the knights in silver armor.
Ah, it’s an old man. This old man must be the leader of the Royal Knights. The atmosphere coming off his body was on a whole different level than the other knights.
Good. Let’s see, my ratings for him would be…
The Captain was trying his best to maintain a blank expression, but he looked like he would drop dead any moment. He went on his knee and did his best to show courtly manners befitting a knight as he waited for Caitel to speak.
I looked up at Caitel.