I was afraid my sneak away would harm Serira, but she seemed fine. Maybe Caitel’s anger spilled out on Ferdel that day.
It was Serira herself who was the problem.
Serira, who greeted me at Solay Palace, had red and swollen eyes. I was sorry to see that, but the greater problem was that she stuck by my side ever since. That was all the time except when Caitel had me.
“Princess, don’t you do that ever again, okay?”
Washing me and wiping the water out of my body, Serira spoke with a stiff look. Her questioning voice was rather stern. I nodded, holding the toy she had returned to me in my arms again.
Serira had found this pretty ball.
A ball plated with gold and emblazoned with all kinds of arms in the red seal. When she saw this, she was so surprised I was gone and she almost passed out.
“No matter how precious the ball is, you shouldn’t just go out like that. This world is scarier than you think.”
I knew that.
I was not proud of it, but I got killed last time at that scary world. I thought I’d log in to heaven, and I was a little surprised when I logged in to another world. It was also amazing how my memories remained intact. Of course, that did not excuse my past indulgence.
Yeah, that was my fault.
‘I’m sorry, Mom, so don’t be angry. Please?’
“You’re not going to do that next time, are you?”
Serira smiled softly at me. I felt so sorry, but I could not see her eyes at all. She set my eyes on her. At her bright smile, I nodded really hard.
‘No, never. I will never do it. It won’t happen again.’
Serira laughed at my reaction. The smile was a fondness I had seen in quite a long time.
“Yes, that’s all right.”
Perhaps because he lost her husband, Serira seemed to feel fear of losing anyone else. That was a fact that could easily be known if it wasn’t this time. I didn’t think deep enough about it, but now it’s so pitiful.
Even though she was wise, she was still just a human. If the pain of losing the person she loved most wouldn’t budge her, then that love was a lie.
“My princess, don’t you dare leave before me. Don’t. Okay?”
It was a voice that seemed calm, but I couldn’t hide the small tremors hidden in it. It was the kind of question that could not be easily answered, but I nodded as if I were a marionette driven by a clear thread because Serira wanted it.
Something murmurs from the heart. The tip of my nose was burning hot, but I didn’t care. It’s natural to look back on one’s parents and feel sad.
It’s just a little sad.
They raised me up to twenty-five years old, fed me and put me to sleep. Then I died without anything to reward them. Even if it’s not my will, it’s true I did the wrong thing of leaving before my parents. Of course, I still had siblings left, but that wouldn’t make up for my loss.
A man who had left always had no words.
Even though I left, it would have been floating around and soon be gone, but I had deep resentment that I didn’t leave any last words before I died. It would be nice if God felt sorry for me and let me see that faces only once.
That would be great. I wanted to say I how much I loved them once again.
“Are you crying, Princess?”
Tears were streaming down my cheeks before I knew it. I was embarrassed and leaned over the warmth of Serira’s arms. I inhaled her scent as she hugged me.
I love you, I love you, I love you. I wanted to tell them that for just a second. I wanted to tell that in my parents’ arms too.
What a heartless daughter I was. I didn’t go to see them because ‘I was too busy’. Sometimes all I did when I went there was to give irritation and resentment. I didn’t even say that common loving words because I was too shy. I told them, “I will do my filial duty,” and, “I will do well,” but all my promises had been buried in my death.
I felt choked at the thought of my parents who would still miss such a poor daughter.
I wished they could endure like Serira. I hoped they didn’t suffer too much. I didn’t want my death to be a big shock to my parents. I really hoped it wouldn’t be. I hadn’t done anything for them but left a wound. What a poignant tragedy it was.
I couldn’t heal that wound again.
“What’s wrong with my princess all of a sudden?”
I could see now why I had come to love Serira so much.
Yeah, that was it. That was it.
Unspoken enlightenment and unspoken attraction.
Yes, Serira looked like my parents. It’s not her looks, her personality or her habits; its not these things. It was how she was left behind. Sending someone she loved away and remaining alone.
I had no choice but to love her, me who left first.
When I called her, she pulled me out of her arms and saw my eyes.
Green eyes. Pretty eyes resembling a deep forest.
My eyes were swollen before I knew it. My head hurts, too. The feeling of tears drying up was also quite refreshing.
“Yes, princess, say it. Huh?”
Instead of talking, I grabbed her hair. I leaned my cheek against Serira’s pale cheeks. It’s warm. It wasn’t as cold as it looked. I closed my eyes feeling her warmth.
Regret was too late. I must be so stupid to feel that painful feeling so suddenly, but no more.
No more… No more.
I didn’t want to regret this anymore. I should be really good this time. I didn’t want to regret it. I would not regret after I lose everything I was holding in my hand.
“Why is my princess whining so much today?”
Serira smiled. The smile she gave me while taking me off her arms felt so beautiful.
Something poured up to my throat.
That was the perfect moment.
Serira’s body stiffened at my voice. Her expression hardened. I opened my mouth again, facing her eyes.
How much did I want to call her mother?
Someday, I would call her mom. I would call her that, promising myself every day. However, the words stuck in my mouth, and I could not say it. Finally, the words came out.
The reason, that had been blocking my throat, preventing me from doing, so but it was after the word had already come out of my mouth.
I felt that I couldn’t even call her as my mom now or never. Such desperation drove me away.
I wouldn’t regret it again. I wouldn’t let go of what I had in my hands. Yes, this life had not yet been a stage to regret. Let’s laugh more, and be happier.
More… I want to say how much I loved her more.
I mumbled a little, cuddling in the arms of surprise Serira.
“I yuv u.”
My poor pronunciation did not convey my will properly, but a smile on the little word was enough. Serira laughed, and before long, her eyes were dripping with tears.
‘Don’t cry. Huh?’
“Oh no, is this tears?”
However, she couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. I raised my hand and wiped the tears from her cheeks.
Serira laughed as my tiny hand wiped away her tears. It was a laugh of trying to hold back tears, so it was a very funny look. Still, no laughter came out.
‘Oh, It’s a problem.’
I couldn’t believe she still looked so pretty to me.
Holding my mom’s hand, which was weaker than I was, I made a small resolution by myself. I would never let her cry because of me…