“Ah, no that is not something to eat, princess!” Elene exclaimed very loudly.
I widened both my eyes.
Ah, that surprised me.
She could just say it normally, why was she yelling? I didn’t take it to eat.
I wanted to find out what it was by putting it in my mouth!
She could just say it was “dirty”, why did she feel the need to shout? As I froze stiff in one place like a chick who had eaten honey. Serira’s strict order came from behind.
Serira slowly came over and took the hairpin Elene had taken away from me and put it back in my hand.
Ah? I can play with it?
Elene, for a moment, got worked up but Serira quietly used her position to silence her.
“How can you yell at the princess? Look, she was so surprised.”
It was a hairpin, a hairpin!
What did they call it when one would automatically put an object inside their mouth? A habit?
No, it was instinct I already knew it was a hairpin using my eyes. However, my brain knew it, not my body. My body didn’t know what it was, so it did its own thing to examine what it was without my brain’s permission.
Elene got in trouble. She got into more trouble yesterday too. The day before that too. She got in more and more trouble. Anyways, she lived each day getting in trouble. Last week she caused that big accident. However, even if she’s clumsy to the point that I find her quite hateful, I honestly didn’t really dislike her, and I find this quite odd. Was this what one would call a demonic charm?
“Always do it gently, no matter how annoyed you are, you have to say it quietly. Did you forget?”
Elene lowered her head, dispirited. Even though I knew in ten minutes she would be cheerful again, I still felt down seeing how depressed she was. Was it because I saw her face a lot? Seriously, I’m…
You could do better next time. I wanted to say and raise my hand to pat her on her back…
Why was I a baby? Why? Why was it the case?!
My hands didn’t reach her.
“Where is the pacifier?”
Since I was waving my hand around, nanny turned her head looking for something.
Nanny, you weren’t looking for the same pacifier I dropped in the garden before, right?
Even if you disinfected it, I’d still feel kind of grossed-out, a lot actually.
Mrs. Nanny, I was still a baby. Wah-wah, please treat me well…
Ah, it was a new one!
The pacifier she gave me was one I had seen for the first one. It’s cute like me. I didn’t know because it was new, but as I sucked it, I found it quite hard to chew on. If I kept sucking on it, would it turn soft?
“The princess seems to like it.”
“I think so.”
…you guys were watching me. To peek at someone else’s private pacifier moment was rude, people!
Ho ho, but since both of you are so close to me, I will forgive you.
What should I do? I think I fell in love with my sucker. I had turned into a body that couldn’t live with a pacifier. Damn!
“Heh, Heh, pretty.”
Elene who was in love with my beauty complimented my looks again.
How many times a day did she compliment me?
Now I was growing tired of hearing the word pretty. I would just keep sucking on my pacifier.
After that incident last week, the palace was in an uproar. I was stuck in my room, so I didn’t know the details of how noisy it got, but as usual, with my nanny’s informative conversations with Elene, I found out what happened afterward.
“The princess is so pitiful.”
With one word it called at the wrong place, at the wrong time. She got what was coming to her, but she had the worst luck ever because she met me at the worst possible time and she also met the emperor at the worst possible time who was passing by at the worst time possible. I knew the emperor ordered his men to execute her, but a part of me was uncertain if it would go through. I guess somewhere in me didn’t believe it was possible…
Yesterday, when Elene told me her execution date was set next month, I was betrayed by my uncertainty! To think, my own uncertainty had betrayed me!
Ah. Not funny.
“I heard they would check the entrance from now on.”
“It was an incident that left all the princess and crown princess in the royal palace shaking in their shoes.”
Elene, with a sullen face, played with her hands.
“I feel sorry for her. After all, it was not like she had a choice or wanted to come here.”
That same goes for me too. Who said I wanted to be born with such a father?!
Grandma Samsin(Korean goddess of birth)come out! I think you need to take this back. It doesn’t have to be an empire, just please let me grow up under normal parents. Can’t you do that? I guess you can’t?
“The Emperor definitely had a hobby of torturing others!”
You just figured that out now? My father’s a sadist. Can you not proudly announce something I found out last week?
I wanted to yell back, but I can only make out baby noises. I wondered when would my teeth grow?
Now I know how a mute feels, I wondered when would I be able to talk?
I! Want! To! Talk!
“I am sorry. I said words carelessly.”
“As long as you know.”
Serira let it go without saying much. Perhaps her mouth hurt from correcting every single thing. Huh? For someone who claimed to know she was careless, she kept on going anyway.
“However, our princess is so pretty. She doesn’t seem like the emperor’s daughter at all.”
Didn’t you say last time I inherited all of my father’s DNA? Were you kidding me?
I was so tired of it I just turned my head away. Then Elene followed the direction where I turned my head. I don’t like you. You are annoying. I turned my head again.
“When she grows up, she will be a beauty.”
Stop saying such hopeful words. I didn’t believe in my beauty yet. I hadn’t even seen a mirror, so I didn’t even know how I looked like, but to say I would be a beauty, one needed to wait until I was at least over sixteen to find that out. If it’s not true, I would cry.
Wait, must I get married at sixteen?
Ah, what if I didn’t inherit the emperor’s beauty?!
“She is only three months old.”
“Ha, The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, just look at this beauty!”
I was telling you to wait until I was at least sixteen!
I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want to ruin my beauty with my own hands!
Saw it like this God, I was born under a crazy emperor, so I wanted my looks to be at least pretty, okay!?
I was not asking for my power to overturn the world, just make my appearance good enough that people can swallow back their rice.
Namu Myōhō Renge Kyō (This is a Buddhist mantra)
“I want to quickly take her for a walky-walky.”
“Please restrain yourself. she can’t even sit upright yet.”
Serira clicked her tongue. I sucked on my pacifier and already eaten my meal so I decided I needed to exercise, so I tried to raise my body up.
Ugh! Damn, this was my body but it was so heavy! I couldn’t even lie on my side when I want to. As I heaved, I tried to lay midways no matter what. Suddenly, my body turned exactly halfway over. It was hard.
“Oh, oh my!”
I heard Elene voice but that wasn’t important. What was more important was to flip my body completely over. Why does this body feel like it wasn’t mine? I wanted to turn my body over!
Both their sights were on me, and at that moment, my body fell over.
I could hear Serira’s surprised footsteps.
Ah, it’s damn hard.
As I gasped for breath and lay my head in the covers, I could hear several voices drop from above.
“She turned herself over! She succeeded ”
“Now she can turn herself so well. Oh my”
Just by doing this, my body got completely dried out of energy, so I didn’t know what to do. However, when I turned over Serira picked me up into her bosom.
Nanny, it was hard.
“Anyway did you see the bruise on her side, Serira?”
Serira’s face darkened. It faded now to the point where it was hard to find it right away, but I could still remember the sound of her gasp the night Serira tried to wash me. I guess it was a very bloody bruise because she kept on rubbing all sorts of medicine on it the entire week.
“Can we hide that the princess did this?”
“For now, keep your silence.”
At her firm command, Elene shut her mouth tightly. Serira lifted my clothes and checked my torso.
Ah, I am a pitiful creature who couldn’t even lift my head down to look below me.
“Thanks to the medicine the doctor gave me, it looked much better now. I was worried it would scar, but thankfully, it healed.”
Elene lifted her face and checked my bruise. It looked like she was still worried.
“However if we hide this…”
In a second, she cut off Elene’s chatter. I had never seen Serira looked this serious before, so I found it all quite mysterious. I couldn’t help myself. Kids would be kids.
Ah! No, no, I’m a twenty-five-year-old human being.
“Think of the consequences if everyone knew about this.”
Nanny lowered me back into the bassinet. My bassinet, as usual, had fluffy blankets and smelled delightful.
This felt really good.
“I guess our necks would be the first to go.”
“I am not afraid of that.”
Serira’s voice was low, and it was heavy. I turned my face to look at her. Only when I laughed at her did her serious expression go away. Then her fingers touched my head. Her gentle fingers were stroking my cheeks as I closed my eyes.
“The people would curse at this precious little princess as the seed of war. That is why I don’t want others to know.”
As she said this, she turned off all the lights. However, there was a light that couldn’t be covered even with thick curtains, but it was peaceful like being in my mother womb.
I let out my voice because I didn’t like the silence, yet the silence just grew heavier than before. It was a case of being surround by noises then suddenly silenced. It was heavier than if it was quiet from the beginning. If only I could talk… when would my teeth grow?
My relatives did have babies, but I only met them once or twice a year on holidays. I never had or took care of a baby before, so I had no clue. I heard once a baby could walk, their teeth would start growing before or after that? I wanted to walk as soon as possible. I wanted to crawl, sit up, stand up, and walk.
It’s so frustrating.
To lay around all day looking out a window was really tiresome. Especially at night when there was no one to take care of you, that was when the loneliness would return to me a hundredfold.
Was this the reason why babies cry to death when they woke up in the middle of the night? However, I didn’t want to cry, my body may be just 3 months old, but my mind is that of a 25-year-old lady.
Yes, that’s right. I guess it was because I lived as a baby for 3 months already, but I did get a bit used to this frustrations.
Hmm, well this is better, at least I wasn’t reborn as a boy.
The son of a crazed tyrant. Just thinking about it gave me the chills. No, that would be the second problem, the first would be to figure out my sexual preference when I got married if my body was that of a boy. Ugh!
I was about to stop thinking useless thoughts and finally sleep when I heard a small creaking noise.
Huh? Wait, a creak?
Just in case, I peeked with silted eyes at my sides, I saw something with my poor vision. It was a figure holding a sword, and there were two silhouettes.
That thick silhouette couldn’t belong to a woman.
Did someone enter my room through a window? They seemed to be some unwelcome night visitors. In case they were assassins, I got scared right away. In just three months of being reborn, I would get murdered again?
It’s scary. I felt something drop in my chest. It was fear.
What to do? What could I do? Should I scream? What was I supposed to do?!
Through my bed bars, I can see the dark figures come closer. I got scared and clasped my hands tightly. Should I, should I cry for now?!
“She is sleeping.”
If the voice I heard wasn’t his, I would have cried at the top of my lungs. I sighed as suddenly all tensions left me and unfurrowed my brows.
What the hell! It was the guy whom I had the misery of calling my dad.
“Did she wake?”
A huge hand clasped my head. It was a bit cold.
I was so surprised, I almost opened my eyes, but thankfully, I was able to pretend I was sleeping.
Thank goodness. This was the result of training for twenty-five years. As my parent’s daughter, I would pretend to sleep when they were around then I would go back on to the computer at night. To think it would come in handy here too.
All kinds of things could happen if one lived long enough.
What was the reason for visiting me this late in the evening anyway?
He even sneaked in like a pervert through the window.
If he wanted to, he could visit anytime he wanted so what was the reason he came in like a creep? I kind of wanted to know.
No, I wanted to know really badly…
“You have become so sincere.”
Huh? I was taken aback. In fact, I was so taken aback I forgot to breathe. Of course, I would have let out a small breath, but Caitel might have noticed I was awake. Damn.
Anyway, that voice didn’t belong to Caitel. It was a voice I heard for the first time.
No, that was not the problem here… Why was that voice so sticky?
“I thought nothing would change because you had a kid.”
It was a man’s voice. It was low, seductive, and way too stickily sweet. If the words weren’t cold, I would have thought he was hitting on him and whispering love to his ears.
The hell? A guy could have a voice like that?
“You didn’t seem human when you were killing all your other babies.”
He also got the knack for pissing people off down to an art form. Just listening to them made my inwards squirm. If he was going to hang out with someone, he would do so with someone just like him. Birds of the same feather flocks together.
Today, as I realized the wisdom of our ancestors, I had to endure the goosebumps breaking out of me as he stroked my cheek. Gosh. it’s cold. Then I heard a burst of low laughter.
This is Caitel.
“I also find myself strange.”
What’s strange about it? Was It because I worked to be born this cute so I could make you my slave.
I nodded my head in agreement as I thought of this unbelievable bullshit.
I grew sad at the fact that I knew it was all unbelievable bullshit. Damn.
As I grew sullen, I felt Caitel’s hands that were caressing me slowed down. It seemed he was lost in thought.
Wait, were you going to choke my neck?