Chen Ming flicked Dao Empyrean Bamboo, unsheathing ten thousand swords, and scarring the wild boars into peeing themselves. They’ve never seen such an array before.
The sword dance rooted the wild boars in place. Chen Ming waved Dao Empyrean Bamboo as he took a casual walk in front of the wild boar leader standing on the platform, “I heard you want to ride humans.”
He was scared into prostrating, “Don’t dare, don’t dare!”
Chen Ming patted it, He’s spotless alright?, “Turn around.”
The leader did as he wished, thinking Chen Ming found him alright and wanted to ride him. He turned, showcasing his mighty hind legs. Chen Ming rubbed his chin while nodding, “En, this thigh ain’t bad. Plump and tender, and even has some spiritual energy. Go wash and come for roasting!”
The wild boar leader stood in a daze, watching Chen Ming with its eyes, “Are you the devil?”
Chen Ming recalled something, “Oh, right, if you don’t castrate it, the pig’s taste will be too strong. Go castrate yourself, heal, then come for roasting.”
The wild boar leader threw itself to his feet, “Spare me oh, Great Immortal!”
Chen Ming said, “Right, where did you get that green thing on your ear?”
It stammered, but still spoke in the end, “Great Immortal, you can’t go there.”
“I think castrating you will be better.”
The wild boar leader noded on the threat of emasculation, “Great Immortal, I will take you.”
Assuming crow shape, Chen Ming followed it to a black river, “Great Immortal, I found it while swimming across. There is an island there and on it a three that bears these fruits.”
Chen Ming was pissed, “Well what are you waiting for? Why aren’t you swimming already?”
“This is feeble water. If any touch it, they will all drown. Not even feathers float on it.”
“Then how did you do it before?”
“Feeble water destroys those with strong-minded souls. The stronger the mind the more you sink. At the time I crossed it I had no intelligence to speak of, unclear on how to even return. Thus I could swim over.”
Chen Ming nodded, “You’re saying you’re too smart now so you can’t swim?”
It nodded with pride, but then came Chen Ming silent kick in his rear, propelling him in the water. The wild boar started flopping its arms, “I’m dying, I’m dying! Save me, Great Immortal!”
Chen Ming rolled his eyes. This guy still floats, so his brain must only be surface level.
Then the wild boar found he wasn’t dead. It then floated like nothing happened while shouting in joy, “Thank god I’m still dumb!”
This was Chen Ming’s first encounter with someone so happy for being stupid. Chen Ming perched on the leader’s head and the wild boar felt a mountain crushing him from above, frantically waving his hooves to stop the inevitable sinking.
Now that he landed, he couldn’t take flight; he was too heavy.
With claws on the wild boar, he finally reached the shore. The miserable boar said, “Great Immortal Master, you’re too smart! I can’t carry you!”
Chen Ming never found himself in this situation before, I’m so smart I can’t even cross a river?
Chen Ming’s gaze gave the wild boar a once over. When one ain’t enough, dozens shall prevail!
I, Chen Ming, will get that Heart Enlightenment Tree!
But this river is so damn strange. He couldn’t even touch it and had no idea how to make it into a weapon. If I can refine it into a weapon, feeble water will flood the world!
It can’t even be touched.
Chen Ming wanted to put some in his storage ring, yet it proved useless.
Chen Ming thought hard for a bit, “Go bring your whole family!”
The wild boar leader lost all notions of resisting Chen Ming and his call soon brought a hundred wild boars over.
Chen Ming kicked each of them in the water, fastened them together with a bit of rope, and threw a wooden raft over their heads. Anyway, only blockheads could float on feeble water, so the wooden raft should be weightless.
Seeing the raft floating, he jumped on it. It wobbled here and there but held steady.
A hundred wild boars still have their use!
He eyed the wild boar leader and said, “Onwards!”
Chen Ming was keeping his eyes peeled about, Thank god no one’s here to see me riding a hundred pigs. I’ll lose all my dignity!
Sigh, things a Master would do for his broken toys.
Chen Ming was now sailing on a pig-driven raft, venturing to the legendary island. He took a peek in the water and saw eerie humanoid figures floating.
They all had long hair and pale faces. They’re ghosts!
All kinds of ghosts floated in these waters, filling Chen Ming’s eyes with an endless number of them.
Just what ghostly place is this!? Well, I at least know it’s a ghost-filled river.
Chen Ming turned to the wild boars under the raft, Then again, aren’t these pigs afraid of ghosts?
Even I feel skittish around them.
Then he caught wind of the wild boars’whispers, “Wow, over there! That woman with long hair looks so beautiful!”
“The one over here is too strange. She has no face! There are so many different kinds of humans!”
“Look there! Such a long tongue! I wonder what’ll feel like if she licked me.”
Chen Ming’s thoughts on their comment, I say! They don’t even know what ghosts are? They’re still thinking ghosts are another sort of humans.
Ignorance is bliss.
Chen Ming looked at the wild boars under the raft, “What do you guys know about ghosts?”
They started whispering, “Ghosts? Can we eat them?”
“How do we eat it?”
“Is it tasty?”
Chen Ming nodded in satisfaction, “Not tasty at all, so swim faster!”
Once I finish crossing the feeble water, I will make sure the fact that I had pigs for mounts to cross a river doesn’t leak out!
This is the dark history of a grand boss!
He saw in the distance small red lamps floating on the river surface. Damn! There’s something up ahead. This Heart Enlightenment Tree isn’t that easy to get it seems!
“All pigs, close your eyes and swim with all you have!”
A drawn-out singing voice drifted over, “Three lifetimes of bitterness turned into a bowl of soup. The soup although bitter, drinking it shall wash away all worries…”