Since YanMingXiu didn't want to be bothered, ZhouXiang naturally wouldn't take the initiative to touch him. The interlocking of their gazes just now had already made him feel pained. For a moment, he felt that YanMingXiu saw it… saw through his skin and into the depths of his soul.
But very quickly, YanMingXiu denied it. Right… he could see that YanMingXiu's eyes went from confusion to clarity, and then once again lost in confusion.
He (ZhouXiang) doesn’t know whether there could be this so-called 'invisible connection' between two people who are not related by blood. After all, they've been intimately close; their bodies have physically combined and joined as one. When YanMingXiu looked at him, would he have a trace of that familiar feeling?
ZhouXiang doesn’t know. YanMingXiu also wouldn’t tell him. Only that what he had expected (sex) didn't happen, which made him heaved out a sigh of relief.
He lay next to YanMingXiu, wondering what he should do next. He wanted to leave but he didn't know if this was appropriate at this time. After thinking for a long time, he finally moved and wanted to get out of bed from the other side. But right when he sat up, YanMingXiu's cold voice sounded, “Where are you going?”
ZhouXiang is shocked, then hesitantly responded, “President Yan, can I go back home?”
YanMingXiu opened his eyes and knitted his brows, “You're not living here?”
“My mom's health is not good. I can't live here every day.”
“But you have to stay here today,” YanMingXiu’s tone didn't allow him to refuse.
ZhouXiang simply lay back down. Who told him to sell himself to YanMingXiu?
YanMingXiu closed his exhaustive eyes again.
ZhouXiang stared up at the ceiling. The two people are confined in this strange silence with time slowly whittling by.
Suddenly, YanMingXiu slowly heaved a sigh in this quiet room, “Did you use the blue bottle body wash?”
ZhouXiang was startled. There were several bottles of body wash in the bathroom downstairs but he just habitually used the brand he most often used before. He responded, “Yeah.”
After a long time, YanMingXiu softly muttered, “That's the smell.”
ZhouXiang didn't understand so he didn't say anything.
YanMingXiu then said, “Turn to the other side.”
ZhouXiang was once again startled. Then he followed his instructions and turned with his back facing YanMingXiu.
YanMingXiu's slender arm suddenly wrapped around his waist with his hot chest pressed against his back. ZhouXiang's body froze as YanMingXiu held him in his arms.
YanMingXiu called out for 'ZhouXiang' in a hoarsely low-pitched voice. Then he stopped talking. But with these two words, ZhouXiang was unable to calm down for the longest time. The two words seem to contain feelings that he can’t understand. Although YanMingXiu might have just called out his name inadvertently, these two words penetrated the barriers through time and body, straight into the depths of his soul. He even had the feeling that YanMingXiu was calling him… the real him (older ZhouXiang).
However, numerous facts have told him that he is once against having ridiculous dreams.
When YanMingXiu told him to turn around and embraced him from behind, he clearly knew that YanMingXiu was thinking of WangYuDong, which was the reason why YanMingXiu was willing to pay for him.
He should be thankful that at least now he is clear in this established relationship he has with YanMingXiu, rather than what it was like before, muddling through unclearly with each step, not being able to pull back.
ZhouXiang closed his eyes. He felt that he must sleep like this tonight.
He really hoped that he can immediately fall asleep right now. Otherwise, YanMingXiu’s breath… his scent… his body temperature, every trace of it will enter his consciousness. His heart is instantly overwhelmed with this raging sorrow.
If people could forget the past, they will definitely not have any more worries. At this time, ZhouXiang hoped to forget everything that had ever happened between him and YanMingXiu in the year they were together, especially the memories of the numerous times of falling asleep with YanMingXiu. That to him now was a great disaster.
He can't pretend that YanMingXiu doesn't exist, but he knew that YanMingXiu was only using him as a substitute for another person. This kind of despair and humiliation has long plagued him endlessly. After getting near YanMingXiu again, this torture is even worse.
He felt that God is messing with him and is getting overly excited about it. Otherwise, how could he be stepping back into his old path after being reborn again? He was given a new life, but it was not for him to lead a completely different life but to continue on teasing him.
The smoldering hot chest behind him is like the scorching heat igniting the raging flames within him, riddling his heart with gaping holes.
ZhouXiang woke up very early. He didn’t remember when he fell asleep last night. When he woke up, the sky was mistily bright.
He moved. He thought that he was still sleeping on the side but at some unknown time, he had laid down flat on his back. However, YanMingXiu was still hugging him, his tall nose pressed against his face and his warm breadth drizzled on his skin, so close that there is basically no distance between the two.
In that moment, it was as if it was a lifetime ago…like nothing had happened; he was still that (older) ZhouXiang. He merely had nightmare. When he wakes up again, the person he love is still sleeping next to him. Those bitterly disappointed memories would be like fragments of a dream that is ruthlessly shattered.
If that’s the case… if that’s the case…
ZhouXiang’s gradually alert eyes stared at the luxurious chandelier above his head. This did not belong in the old home that he had lived for 30 years. Everything is not a dream. It is real.
ZhouXiang felt pained, his lips trembled uncontrollably.
He turned his face. YanMingXiu’s deeply asleep face is in close proximity to his. That face is a miracle from the Creator. ZhouXiang is so mesmerized every time he sees it.
YanMingXiu slept very deeply. ZhouXiang would never know that YanMingXiu had not been able to sleep so deeply for a long… long time.
ZhouXiang reluctantly regained his senses, wanting to pry YanMingXiu’s hand away to get up. Just when he moved, the hand that was holding his waist suddenly tightened. YanMingXiu knitted his brows while still sleeping, as if he was grabbing onto his life-saving straw, using such powerfully forceful strength to hug him, with his head deeply buried in his neck.
ZhouXiang didn’t want to wake him up but he wanted to get off the bed. After trying a few times, he finally awakened YanMingXiu.
YanMingXiu stared at him hazily for a long time before gradually finding his focus, his voice hoarse, “It’s you.”
ZhouXiang looked at him silently, and then tried to get up again.
YanMingXiu didn’t stop ZhouXiang from getting out of bed this time, but pulled his arm back and stared at his hand.
ZhouXiang got up and went to the bathroom.
The spot next to YanMingXiu is empty, taking away the surrounding body heat. In that moment, YanMingXiu suddenly experienced what he felt two years ago. When he heard the devastating news. At that moment his body felt void. He panicked and cried out, “Come back!!”
ZhouXiang was shockingly frightened. His foot had already stepped into the bathroom. He turned to look at YanMingXiu.
YanMingXiu looked at him with blood-shot eyes.
This person… he is more and more unable to understand.
Since the accident, he had not been able to have a good night's sleep. For a long time, he had not experience what it felt like to be able sleep at ease, without any inhibitions. But yesterday, he merely hugged this person and was able to sleep peacefully with no dreams. Just like on this night, he was able to make up for all the sleep he had been lacking. He felt relieved and comfortable. He knew that he instinctively held onto this person or perhaps his instinct knew what this person could bring him.
He is not ZhouXiang. They just have the same name, just similar figure, just …. but he is not ZhouXiang!
YanMingXiu’s face paled; the pain in his eyes couldn't even be concealed.
He has fallen to the point of looking for the shadow of that person in a substitute. This is his punishment. When he thought that he was using ZhouXiang as WangYuDong's substitute, he was not aware of the actual person who had entered his heart.
He had failed miserably with this method but still could not help himself from wanting to try. There are no other reasons. Just that he was in too much pain. He can’t endure anymore.
He was adamant that ZhouXiang is not dead but no one could confirm it. That little doubtful voice in his heart is getting louder and louder, but is roughly suppressed by him time and time again. To continually be persistent with this thought, he needed a lot of willpower. He knew better than anyone else. Even if this ZhouXiang could bring him a little comfort, he wanted to be close to him, just like a long frozen person wanting to be close to a matchstick.
This can't save him… but he couldn’t stop himself from taking that little warmth.
He exhaustively looked at ZhouXiang, who is standing in front of the bathroom, waiting for him to say something. He lowly muttered, “I want to eat, cook for me.”
End of the chapter